Helping your child navigate their anxiety can feel like an uphill climb. Even with the best of intentions, motivating your child to face their fears head-on through exposure exercises can be challenging. Anxiety tells them to avoid, escape, or retreat into a comfort zone that feels safe. But what if you could inspire them to step outside that zone by creating a reward system that makes bravery more appealing than avoidance?
In The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids, we share strategies to help children confront their fears with courage and resilience. One of the most powerful tools at your disposal is a meaningful reward system that helps your child stay motivated throughout their anxiety-busting journey. Here’s why rewards matter and how you can use them to support your child.
Why Rewards Work
- Anxiety Avoidance Is Hardwired: Anxiety is designed to protect us. When your child feels anxious, their “anxiety guard dog” barks, signaling danger—even when no real threat exists. This can make avoidance feel like the safest option. A reward system gives your child a tangible reason to challenge these feelings and move toward bravery.
- Positive Reinforcement Builds Momentum: Rewarding courageous behavior shifts the focus from fear to success. Each small victory, no matter how minor it may seem, builds confidence and reinforces the message: You can do hard things, and it’s worth it!
- Creates a Fun and Collaborative Atmosphere: Facing anxiety doesn’t have to be a daunting task. By integrating rewards, you and your child turn exposure work into a playful, goal-oriented activity that strengthens your bond and boosts their engagement.
How to Create a Reward System That Works
- Start with a “Brave Prize Wish List”: Sit down with your child and brainstorm meaningful rewards. These could range from small treats like extra screen time to bigger experiences like a family outing. Letting your child take the lead in designing their wish list ensures the rewards will feel exciting and motivating.
- Tie Rewards to Specific Goals: Be clear about what behaviors earn rewards. This clarity helps your child see the connection between their bravery and the positive outcomes they can achieve. For example:
- Practicing a brave behavior for five minutes earns a sticker on the reward chart.
- Completing three exposures earns a trip to the park.
- Use “Build-a-Bank” Motivation: Create a “bravery bank” where your child collects tokens, stickers, or points for each act of courage. Watching their bank grow becomes a visual reminder of their hard work and progress.
- Celebrate the Small Wins: Don’t wait for big milestones to offer rewards. Facing anxiety is tough, so celebrate the small steps—like walking into a noisy cafeteria or trying a new food. Every step matters!
- Balance Rewards with Internal Motivation: While external rewards jumpstart the process, they also pave the way for your child to develop internal motivation. Over time, they’ll learn that the greatest reward of all is discovering they can live bravely, even when anxiety tries to hold them back.
Beyond Rewards: Encouraging Value-Based Bravery
As your child becomes more comfortable with exposures, gradually shift the focus from earning rewards to living in alignment with their values. Ask questions like:
- What did being brave help you achieve today?
- How did facing your fear make you feel proud of yourself?
This transition reinforces the idea that bravery is its own reward, cultivating long-term resilience and self-confidence.
Final Thoughts: Rewards as a Path to Growth
A meaningful reward system isn’t about bribing your child; it’s about helping them see the value in taking brave steps toward their goals. By framing exposures as an opportunity to grow, backed by positive reinforcement, you can empower your child to challenge their anxiety and embrace the adventures life has to offer.
Your child’s anxiety guard dog may always bark from time to time—but with the right tools, they can learn to quiet the noise, one rewarding step at a time
