You’ve cleared your schedule, you’re on vacation, and the time to finally relax has arrived. But as you settle in, a surprising feeling sneaks up—anxiety. You might think, “I should be enjoying myself; why don’t I feel more relaxed?” Instead of experiencing calm, you may find yourself preoccupied with why you’re not fully enjoying the moment, leading to what’s known as relaxation-induced anxiety.
This reaction is more common than you might think. When we pressure ourselves to “relax” or “enjoy,” especially if we’ve been looking forward to a vacation or break, we’re also creating rigid expectations. The more we try to force relaxation, the further it can seem. The answer, paradoxically, is not to push harder for peace but to open up to whatever feelings surface. Below, I’ll share some practical CBT strategies for managing relaxation-induced anxiety so you can make the most of your downtime—even if it doesn’t feel “perfect.”
1. Recognize the Relaxation Paradox
The first step is acknowledging that relaxation isn’t something you can command or schedule. Anxiety can creep in when you set high expectations, like telling yourself, “I must feel calm right now.” This pressure can backfire, leading your brain to become hyper-aware of anything that seems “off” emotionally. Notice when you start thinking, “I should feel relaxed,” and remind yourself that relaxation doesn’t follow a strict timetable. It’s okay if your body or mind is taking time to wind down, and if anxiety surfaces, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong.
2. Allow and Accept All Feelings
Relaxation-induced anxiety often stems from the belief that certain feelings shouldn’t be present during downtime. Try to approach all feelings that arise as acceptable, whether they’re calm, anxious, excited, or bored. You don’t have to “fix” or eliminate these feelings; instead, remind yourself that any emotional experience is valid.
One technique that can help is “radical acceptance,” which involves acknowledging whatever feeling is present without judgment. For instance, if you notice tension, simply say to yourself, “I’m feeling some tension right now, and that’s okay.” Accepting your feelings, rather than fighting against them, allows them to flow naturally, often reducing their intensity.
3. Practice Mindful Observation
Mindfulness is a powerful tool in managing relaxation-induced anxiety. Instead of focusing on how you should be feeling, mindfulness encourages you to focus on what you’re actually experiencing in the moment. This could include noticing sensations in your body, observing your breathing, or paying attention to the sights, sounds, and smells around you.
You might try a “sensory scan.” Simply take a few minutes to observe five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. This exercise grounds you in the present moment and helps shift your focus from thoughts about relaxation to a nonjudgmental awareness of your surroundings.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
When expectations for relaxation go unmet, it’s easy to fall into self-criticism, thinking, “Why can’t I just relax?” Treat yourself with kindness by recognizing that many people feel anxious during downtime, especially if they’re not used to taking breaks. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel anxious, and practice self-compassion by saying, “I’m doing my best to unwind, and that’s enough.”
5. Set Small, Flexible Intentions Rather than Demanding Relaxation
Instead of creating strict expectations like “I have to feel calm today,” try setting small, flexible intentions that aren’t tied to achieving perfect relaxation. For instance, you might say, “I’d like to take a walk and notice things that bring me joy,” or “I’ll spend 10 minutes with a good book.” By focusing on small, achievable activities, you take the pressure off “needing” to feel relaxed, which can ironically help calm your mind.
6. Reframe “Relaxation” as Freedom to Feel Whatever Arises
Consider that relaxation might mean allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up, rather than striving for perfect calm. Just as life includes a mix of emotions, your downtime will likely involve varied feelings as well. Reframing relaxation as an openness to your experience, rather than a feeling of pure calm, allows you to find peace in simply being, whether you’re feeling joyful, nostalgic, or slightly anxious.
7. Use Thought Defusion Techniques to Let Go of Expectations
One of the concepts in CBT, known as thought defusion, can help when you notice that unhelpful thoughts like “I need to feel relaxed” are dominating. Thought defusion techniques encourage you to observe your thoughts without getting tangled up in them. You might visualize your thoughts as clouds drifting by, or silently say, “There’s the thought that I need to relax.” By viewing your thoughts from a slight distance, you can let go of expectations and return to the present.
Relaxation-induced anxiety is a real experience for many, especially during times when you feel you “should” be enjoying yourself. By approaching these moments with openness, self-compassion, and realistic expectations, you give yourself the freedom to experience downtime in all its imperfect forms. This holiday season, consider giving yourself the gift of acceptance, allowing each moment to be as it is, rather than forcing it to be how you think it should be. In doing so, you might just find that relaxation arrives naturally when you least expect it.
