If you’ve ever watched someone go through a panic attack—or been there yourself—you know how overwhelming, scary, and confusing it can be. The racing heart, the shortness of breath, the sense that something terrible is about to happen… even if logically you know you’re safe, your body and brain are sounding a full-blown alarm.
In those moments, well-meaning friends and family often rush in with advice they think will help. But sometimes, their suggestions—though offered with love—can do more harm than good.
In the this video, Dr. Kissen breaks down three common but unhelpful pieces of advice you may have heard during a panic episode—and share what actually works instead.
Bad Advice #1: “Just take a deep breath.”
It’s a classic suggestion. And while it sounds like a good idea, deep breathing during a panic attack often backfires. That’s because most people experiencing panic are already over-breathing or hyperventilating. Taking an even bigger breath can intensify the imbalance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body—and make symptoms worse.
✅ Try this instead: Shift the focus from breath control to grounding. Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste. Or, if movement feels right, go for a walk or change your environment to help your body ride out the panic surge.
Bad Advice #2: “Calm down.”
Let’s be honest—has this ever worked? When someone’s in fight-or-flight mode, telling them to “calm down” usually makes them feel more misunderstood and alone. Panic isn’t a choice. It’s not a failure of logic. It’s the nervous system firing on overdrive.
✅ Try this instead: Join them in the experience. Say something like, “I see this is really hard right now. I’m here with you.” Help them move through the energy—walking, squeezing a stress ball, or even just shaking out their hands. Panic wants to move, not freeze.
Bad Advice #3: “You’re okay. It’s not that bad.”
Even if panic isn’t physically dangerous, it feels terrifying. And dismissing someone’s lived experience—no matter how irrational it may seem from the outside—can feel invalidating and shame-inducing.
✅ Try this instead: Acknowledge the fear without judgment. Say, “This feels really intense—I get it. Let’s ride it out together.” Compassion opens the door for safety. From there, healing can begin.
Panic is Not a Sign of Weakness
Panic is not a character flaw. It’s not overreacting. It’s a nervous system that’s working too hard to protect you. And with the right tools—like exposure therapy, cognitive-behavioral strategies, and self-compassion—you can retrain your brain to interpret bodily sensations with less alarm.
Whether you’re the one experiencing panic or you’re supporting someone who is, you are not alone. These moments don’t define you. But how you respond—to yourself and others—does shape the path forward.
Let’s replace shame with science. Panic doesn’t need to be feared—it needs to be understood. And you don’t have to do it alone.
