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Ask Light On Anxiety

How do I heal from a breakup?

Question:

How do I heal from a breakup?


Light On Anxiety Answer:

No matter what side of the split you are on, the end of a relationship can make you feel like your entire world has been turned upside down and can trigger all sorts of emotions. Here are a few things that have worked for both me and my clients:

Give yourself time to grieve the loss. Some people claim it takes half the time the relationship lasted to get over it, others say it takes a week for every month you were together. Ignore them. Every person is different, as is every story, and your healing time is your own.

Unfollow, unfollow, unfollow. Do. Not. Check. In. On. Your. Ex. The goal is to put them in your past, not stay up to date on their present. It will help you heal to not have any idea if they are dating someone new. And to go a step further, refrain from trying to stay friends for a while until you feel that your heart has healed.

Write a letter that you’ll never send. This will give you the space to say anything and everything you want to your ex. Getting all your emotions on paper can be healing.

See if you can conjure some gratitude. Wanting to trash talk and stay angry is natural, of course. But by allowing yourself to take the time and reflect on the relationship as a whole (both the good and the bad), you can find aspects of the relationship you were grateful for. This can help alleviate feelings of bitterness, which is sometimes a roadblock to healing.

Lean on other people. Find time to see the friends you haven’t seen for awhile. Go home and spend the weekend with family. Identify the people who will decline to trash talk your ex, and rather will fully support you help build you up on days you don’t feel like leaving bed.

Finally, remember that you can reach out to a therapist in your area for individual therapy as well. Breakups can sometimes lead to negative self-talk, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and even shame. It’s ok to seek professional help to lend a hand in guiding you through this difficult chapter in your life.


If you have a similar questions or concern, please schedule a call with Light On Anxiety to explore effective treatment for your anxiety or related conditions.

Chat with a care manager to learn more about psychiatric medication management services.

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