There is something hard to resist about a powerful person making a spectacularly bad decision.
The money. The influence. The access to seemingly every advantage. And then an affair, a secret relationship or a choice that leaves everyone asking: “How could someone so smart do something so foolish?”
Perhaps these stories offer a little relief. Your inbox is overflowing and you forgot to move the laundry, but at least your decisions are not triggering an emergency board meeting.
They also invite a more interesting question: Could the qualities that help someone succeed become liabilities in another part of life?
What about those “CEOs are sociopaths” headlines?
They make excellent clickbait. They deserve more scrutiny.
One frequently cited study examined psychopathic traits in 203 corporate professionals selected for management development programs. That is a specific sample, not a representative survey of all CEOs. It cannot establish how common psychopathy is among chief executives generally. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
We can talk about manipulation, entitlement and lack of empathy without diagnosing a stranger from a headline. A job title does not establish a personality disorder, and an affair does not either.
The more useful question is: What happens when confidence, opportunity and a sense of exemption meet?
When success starts to feel like immunity
Research on power suggests it can increase attention to rewards and reduce inhibition. A survey of 1,561 professionals also found an association between power and infidelity in both men and women, with confidence in attracting partners helping explain the relationship. An association does not establish that power causes cheating. www.gsb.stanford.edu
Still, consider a possible progression:
“I challenged the rules and succeeded.”
“My judgment has taken me further than other people’s.”
“Maybe those limits do not really apply to me.”
Challenging an outdated business assumption can be productive. Treating a partner’s boundaries as another obstacle to overcome can be deeply damaging.
A strength in one setting does not automatically translate into good judgment everywhere.
Does your personality follow you into the bedroom?
Sometimes. Sometimes the bedroom is where you want a break from your everyday role.
For some people, the appeal of pursuit, novelty, admiration or control may appear across work, recreation and sexual relationships. Someone who enjoys feeling influential might also find being intensely desired exciting. Someone drawn to risk might find secrecy adds to the thrill.
These are possibilities to explore, not a formula for decoding someone’s sex life. A competitive person is not destined to cheat. Someone who makes decisions all day may enjoy relinquishing control in an intimate setting.
Consensual sexual interests involving dominance or submission are not evidence of manipulation, infidelity or a disorder. The relevant questions concern consent, honesty, respect and whether people honor their agreements.
One research finding helps sharpen that distinction. Across two longitudinal studies involving 123 newlywed couples, sexual narcissism was associated with infidelity. The construct includes sexual entitlement, exploitation, low sexual empathy and an inflated view of sexual ability. Broadly measured narcissism was not associated with infidelity in those studies. PMC
That suggests we should pay attention to how someone approaches sex and relationships rather than assuming a general personality label tells the whole story.
There is a meaningful difference between “I enjoy feeling desired” and “My desire matters more than our agreement.”
When “I deserve this” becomes the loophole
Here is a pattern worth watching in yourself: turning effort, stress or success into permission.
“I work harder than anyone.”
“I spend my whole life taking care of other people.”
“I deserve something that is just for me.”
The need underneath may be understandable: pleasure, appreciation, rest, connection. The next step still matters.
Feeling deprived does not make deception harmless. Wanting excitement does not require betraying someone’s trust. Understanding the pull of a behavior can help you take responsibility for it.
How to find your own blind spots
You do not need a corner office to have an area where your judgment becomes unusually flexible. Try these questions as reflection prompts, not a diagnostic test.
1. What feeling am I chasing?
Being admired? Winning? Feeling attractive? Escaping responsibility? Proving I still matter?
Ask what the behavior gives you emotionally, beyond the obvious payoff.
2. Where do I give myself special permission?
Listen for “just this once,” “after everything I do” or “they would not understand.”
Those phrases do not prove you are doing something wrong. They are a useful cue to pause and examine your reasoning.
3. What changes when I feel flattered, rejected or bored?
Notice the situations in which your standards start to shift. Compare your choices with your actual commitments.
4. Who can disagree with me?
Ask someone you trust: “When do I become defensive or stop listening?”
Then let them answer without immediately explaining why their example does not count.
5. What boundary would I want in place before temptation arrives?
Choose concrete actions: addressing attraction honestly, declining a meeting that crosses an agreed boundary, discussing unmet needs or seeking professional support.
Make the decision while you can think clearly about what you want to protect.
Recognizing a blind spot is only the beginning
Insight helps when it changes what you do next.
If admiration makes you overlook boundaries, practice receiving a compliment without escalating the connection. If boredom drives impulsive choices, build novelty into your life in ways that honor your commitments. If you have broken an agreement, acknowledge the choice and its impact without making your partner responsible for it.
The same principle applies to organizations: people need meaningful ways to question powerful leaders, and exceptional results should not automatically buy exemptions from scrutiny.
It can be satisfying to read about someone else’s spectacular lapse in judgment. The more useful moment comes when we ask:
“Where might I be telling myself an equally convenient story?”
You do not need to eliminate desire, ambition or excitement. You do need to decide how you will act when those feelings collide with what—and whom—you value.
