“What kind of therapeutic support should we have in place before telling our child about our divorce?”
It’s a question we hear often—and it’s a wise one.
There’s no way around it: telling your child that their parents are separating is a major moment. But the good news is that how you prepare—both practically and emotionally—can make a meaningful difference in how your child processes the news.
What Do Studies Say About Kids and Divorce?
Research consistently shows that children react to divorce in many different ways. Some become quiet or withdrawn. Others act out. Some kids seem unaffected at first, only to show signs of distress later on. Their response may depend on age, temperament, family dynamics, and how the separation is handled—especially in the early stages.
There is no single right way to feel about divorce—and there’s no single “correct” way to respond. Which means, when it comes to offering support, one-size-fits-all approaches fall short.
So, What Should Parents Have in Place?
Here’s what we recommend having lined up before you break the news to your child:
1. A Trusted Therapist for the Child (or a Plan to Introduce One)
Even if your child doesn’t want to talk right away, having a therapist already on board means there’s a safe, consistent space ready for them whenever they’re ready. Choose someone experienced in working with children or teens, and ideally someone with training in family transitions.
2. Parent Support
Kids take their emotional cues from the adults around them. Having your own therapist or support system in place helps you stay grounded, emotionally available, and able to show up for your child with clarity and calm—even when things feel messy.
3. A Unified Message (If Possible)
When both parents can sit down together and deliver a calm, age-appropriate message, it helps children feel safe and less caught in the middle. Work with a therapist or co-parenting counselor ahead of time to agree on what to say and how to say it.
4. Flexibility & Space for Their Unique Reaction
Maybe the most important “support” isn’t a plan—it’s a posture. Kids may have no questions, or 100. They may cry, shrug, or laugh. Your job isn’t to predict or control the reaction. It’s to make space for whatever comes up. That means staying open, curious, and available for ongoing conversations.
A Note for Therapists & Support People
If you’re the child’s therapist, or the parent’s therapist, your role is not to prescribe the “right” way to navigate divorce—it’s to support flexibility, compassion, and responsiveness. Be the kind, grounding presence that helps the family hold space for the emotional uncertainty ahead.
Final Thought
Divorce is a disruption—but with the right support in place, it doesn’t have to be a derailment. By proactively lining up emotional support, grounding yourself in empathy, and making room for your child’s unique experience, you’re laying the foundation for resilience.
You don’t need a perfect script. You just need to show your child: Whatever you feel, I’m here. We’ll get through this together.
