We all know the phrase “too much of a good thing,” but when it comes to certain behaviors—like reading, learning, eating sweets, or even exercising—it can feel confusing to know where the line is between healthy enjoyment and compulsive overdoing. After all, isn’t it good to have passions? Shouldn’t we lean into the things that bring us pleasure?
Yes—and no.
The difference comes down to why you are engaging in the behavior and whether you feel like you have a choice.
When Does a Pleasure Become a Prison?
One of the most helpful ways to think about compulsive over-doing is through the lens of psychological flexibility versus experiential avoidance. Psychological flexibility is your ability to stay present, aware, and connected to what truly matters to you, even when uncomfortable emotions or thoughts arise. Experiential avoidance, on the other hand, is the tendency to run from discomfort by distracting, numbing, or compulsively doing something—anything—to avoid what you’d rather not feel.
If you notice yourself reaching for sweets the moment you feel anxious, or diving into hours of research when you’re uncertain about a decision, or pushing yourself to read “just one more chapter” to quiet restlessness, you’re no longer choosing these activities for pleasure. Instead, you’re engaging in them because you feel like you have to in order to escape discomfort. At that point, the behavior owns you—not the other way around.
Why Healthy Behaviors Aren’t Always Healthy
This can be especially tricky when the behavior in question is traditionally considered “healthy”—like learning new things or staying physically active. But any behavior, when done compulsively and in service of avoidance rather than in service of your values, can become unhealthy.
When we repeatedly chase short-term relief through overdoing, two things happen:
- The activity loses its luster. You need more and more of it to feel the same fleeting satisfaction.
- You lose vitality and connection to what truly matters. Life shrinks down to chasing the next hit of relief, rather than creating a full and balanced life driven by your values.
If you struggle with this addictive personality tendency, here are three helpful frameworks to work through:
1. The Compulsive-Value Spectrum
Create a visual continuum with two ends:
- One side = Compulsive Engagement (I have to do this to feel okay)
- The other side = Value-Based Engagement (I choose to do this because it aligns with what matters to me)
For each activity they tend to overdo, ask: Where would you place this behavior right now?
Then explore: What would it look like to shift even 10% toward the value-based side?
2. Pause and Choose
Before engaging in a potentially compulsive behavior, practice pausing and asking:
- What am I feeling right now?
- Am I choosing this because I truly want to, or because I’m trying to avoid something uncomfortable?
- What matters most to me in this moment?
This creates space between the urge and the action, allowing for more conscious choice.
3. The Satisfaction Curve
Draw a simple curve that starts high, dips down, and then flattens out.
- Early on, engaging in a pleasurable activity brings joy and satisfaction.
- Over time, as it becomes compulsive, satisfaction decreases.
- Eventually, the activity brings more frustration, numbness, or guilt than pleasure.
Together, map out how this curve applies to your client’s overdone behaviors—and what it would look like to stop while the curve is still high.
Top Tips to Shift from Overdoing to Balanced, Value-Based Living
✅ Identify Your Values First. Pleasure is great—but meaning is better. What do you want your life to stand for? What kind of person do you want to be? When you know that, you can choose activities that enrich your values, not just distract you.
✅ Practice Sitting with Discomfort. Build your tolerance for discomfort instead of rushing to numb or escape it. This builds the muscle of psychological flexibility.
✅ Create Meaningful Alternatives. If sweets help distract you from loneliness, explore ways to directly nourish your need for connection. If reading obsessively helps you escape uncertainty, practice leaning into “I don’t know” without rushing to solve.
✅ Track When the Fun Fades. Notice your personal “tipping point”—when a fun activity crosses into compulsion—and practice stopping just before that point.
✅ Celebrate Small Acts of Flexibility. Every time you pause, check in with yourself, and choose your values over your urge, you’re building a stronger foundation for sustainable well-being.
Final Thought: True Pleasure Requires Choice
Pleasure loses its magic when you need it to feel okay. True satisfaction comes not from chasing more and more of what feels good, but from living in alignment with who you want to be—and having the flexibility to tolerate discomfort along the way.
Want to shift from overdoing to thriving? Start with this question: If you weren’t afraid to sit with your feelings, what would you choose to do with this moment?
