If you’ve ever been blindsided by a thought like “What if I’m attracted to that person and I shouldn’t be?” or “Did I just like that? What does that mean about me?”, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You may be experiencing a form of OCD known as False Attraction OCD (sometimes also called Sexual Orientation OCD, Relationship OCD, or simply Intrusive Attraction Obsessions).
False Attraction OCD is not about your actual attraction. It’s about doubt, distress, and compulsive checking around attraction—usually in areas that feel especially threatening to your identity, values, or sense of safety.
What is False Attraction OCD?
False Attraction OCD involves unwanted, intrusive thoughts about being attracted to someone (or something) you don’t actually feel aligned with—and then spiraling into anxiety and mental gymnastics trying to “figure it out.” These thoughts don’t bring pleasure. They bring panic.
These obsessions are often followed by compulsions, which can look like:
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Mentally reviewing whether you felt a physical reaction.
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Comparing how you feel toward Person A vs. Person B.
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Avoiding eye contact or situations that might trigger “wrong” feelings.
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Seeking reassurance from Google, therapists, or friends.
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Testing your feelings (“What if I imagine kissing them? Did I like it?”).
Clinical Examples
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Sam, a heterosexual man, starts panicking every time he talks to a male coworker, fearing he might be attracted to him. He begins avoiding social events and constantly replays conversations in his head, checking for signs of arousal.
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Lena, in a committed relationship with her boyfriend, has intrusive thoughts about finding her therapist attractive. She spirals into guilt and confusion, even though she has no desire to act on these thoughts.
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Marcus, a gay teenager, worries he may actually be straight. Every time he notices a girl’s outfit, he asks himself if he’s secretly attracted and what that might mean about his identity.
In all these cases, it’s not the attraction itself that’s the problem—it’s the doubt and mental checking that fuel the OCD cycle.
How ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) Helps
ERP is the gold standard treatment for OCD. It works by helping you face your fears gradually and resist the urge to do compulsions (like checking or seeking reassurance).
The goal is not to prove or disprove your attraction—it’s to retrain your brain to tolerate uncertainty and stop over-interpreting normal thoughts, feelings, or sensations.
Sample ERP Exercises
Here are a few examples of exposures that might be used in therapy:
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Reading triggering scenarios (e.g., “Imagine feeling a flutter of excitement while talking to your friend’s partner”) without trying to mentally undo it.
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Looking at photos of people who typically trigger obsessional doubt and not checking for a reaction.
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Watching romantic scenes in movies that typically feel “confusing” and sitting with the discomfort.
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Scripting (writing or reading imagined narratives like “Maybe I’m attracted to my boss”) and learning to tolerate the uncertainty it brings.
Over time, your brain learns: Just because I had the thought doesn’t mean it’s meaningful. I don’t have to get to the bottom of it.
Signs You May Be Experiencing False Attraction OCD
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You feel distressed by thoughts of attraction that contradict your values or identity.
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You’re constantly analyzing your thoughts, feelings, or body sensations to “figure out” what you really feel.
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You avoid certain people, places, or situations because they trigger confusing feelings.
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You seek reassurance or Google compulsively to find answers.
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You’ve lost touch with what you actually enjoy or find attractive because of the fear of “getting it wrong.”
The Good News
False Attraction OCD is fueled by fear, not facts. You are not your thoughts, and you don’t need to solve the puzzle of your feelings to move forward. ERP can help you stop the spiral, build tolerance for uncertainty, and reconnect with your true self—without needing 100% certainty.
